11/15/97

The Project

I sometimes feel as thought I am not getting a thing accomplished. But I always seem to be doing something. At times I wonder what the hell I do with all of this time, but it takes so long to get anything done. I know: complain, complain, complain. But look at it this way: I've been here for almost two months and how many negs have I made for the project? Not enough, me thinks. But I am working, honest!

On the other hand, I've gotten a fair amount done. I've spent many hours looking through the archive at the Cineteca. I've made many contacts. I've gotten a better idea about the project. I've scouted many locations. I've made many copy negs. I've thought too much about it. I've made friends. I've felt every feeling possible about loneliness. I've been happy. I've been sad and I've felt almost every possible emotion in between.

My days are full, what of I sometimes wonder, but they are full. My first photographing and processing went well, considering the facilities.

Reviewing the results and looking at a map, I can begin to see what I have to do and where I need to go. A plan is necessary to go out and scout and get ready for the next (of many) steps this child is learning to take.

Sometimes I feel as though I am working as a mime, alone in the center of a large world, all alone, no one seeing me or caring about what I am doing?

Its weird, because I feel like no one gives a shit about what I am doing or who I am. But yet I seem to be shy about going out with my camera and setting up in the middle of things. Curious, a shy photographer in a foreign land.

But yes fellow readers, I have faith. I shall overcome all of the insecurities that I am experiencing and all of the doubts that are boiling up from in my soul. I shall overcome! 'YES, My Children' the minister screamed 'YOU SHALL BE SAVED! Just stay tuned, pay up and listen to the music'.